Can you ask an escort for a second chance?

As a disclaimer, all providers will feel differently about moving forward with a request after an initial bad impression. Many providers put up barriers to entry in order to weed out problematic potential clients. With some, you have one shot. Others are more flexible or tolerant, but no provider appreciates aggressive demands or repeated harassment.

Please take these sentiments as a rough guide and respect the stated or implied decision of each individual provider. Either way, it's an opportunity to learn and get the next one right.

When booking a new provider, first impressions are everything. Especially with someone who

• you've been admiring for a while,

• has rare availability,

• is infrequently touring your city, or

• you hope to book for a special occasion.

It's been my experience that in these situations, potential suitors generally have done their research and are thoughtful, generous, and complete in their requests.

But for every twelve, there's a Judas. Sometimes, there's a bump in the road during the booking process. If we do end up being able to meet after one such issue, I'll hear that the client was concerned that it was the end of the line and that they'd never again get the opportunity to meet me. My response is a little purr or nip of the ear. We figured it out, lessons were learned and we are better for it, so no need to dwell.

Below are three distinct scenario buckets for why a provider didn't respond to your initial booking inquiry and what you can do—if anything—to try again. These aren't complete lists but are useful for illustrating the severity of bungled requests and setting expectations for the outcome.

The lesson? Be a great client from the start so the below isn't even remotely applicable to you.

Scenario 1: Clerical Errors

Often seen with nervous clients, or clients new to the industry. But also, people are fallible and make mistakes. These aren't a big deal if they're remedied quickly and appropriately.

1) Screening was not complete. i.e. Didn't send requested photo ID/selfie.

Self-explanatory. We don't ask for these details for kicks. Verification information used for screening purposes is for everyone's safety and well-being. It's absolutely possible to see an escort without screening, but not this one. All reputable providers (read: the ones least likely to catfish or scam you) will ask for some kind of screening.

As one example, if everything else looks good, maybe I will reach out if a VoIP/burner number is provided as that is not acceptable for verification. But that's a hassle and doesn't endear anyone to you. Kindly do it right the first time and provide the number connected to your name. You won't receive a call/text without explicit permission.

If English is not your first language and/or you have trouble communicating in writing, you can let me know but rest assured that alone will never be the reason you don't receive a response.

2) There was a miscommunication

As a writer, I'm keenly aware that the written word can be unforgiving. It's not always easy to organize your thoughts. And when you're trying to move through the booking process—especially for the first time—you may find yourself forgetting that you're addressing a warm-bodied human being in the pursuit of fulfilling your desires.

Perhaps you quickly dashed off an email without reading it back, and there's a lack of clarity. Or you made an offhand comment or joke that landed incorrectly. I always hope that initial requests are extra cognizant of having their Is dotted and Ts crossed, but things happen.

By the way: The same applies to providers! We get it wrong sometimes, have an off day, or misread a situation. Many providers are deeply empathetic, or at least with enough sense and business savvy to identify and forgive small errors. In those cases we apply a good-faith read, so when it's on our end we appreciate the same from you.

3) Explicit language was used

Most forms of (in-person) sex work are not legal in the United States. For this reason, all providers appreciate discretion and thoughtful language, same as you do. When we see overtly explicit language, we often assume clients are inexperienced, aggressive, timewasters, or something else nefarious.

If you're unsure if the provider caters to your interests, first read their available materials (website, ad, etc.) as the answer is often there. If a kink or interest isn't listed, assume they don't provide or engage with it.

If you want to be triple-sure, lead with respect. In your initial request, send all the requested verification information along with a note that you have a specific interest not covered in their materials that you'd like to discuss, and to please let you know how best to proceed.

How to smooth it over

Time is of the essence here, so don't delay in addressing these mistakes.

• Your next response to the provider should contain a short and genuine apology along with any required verification information. Explanations for the omission or error are also fine to send. It doesn't need to be lengthy, but it's okay to own up to mistakes if you weren't in the right headspace or were nervous.

• Gifts never hurt. When in doubt, send something off their wishlist or a financial tip or gift card. Any generosity or kindness upfront will be returned to you in spades and is worth the investment especially if it helps to guarantee the outcome.

Scenario 2: Lucy, you got some 'splainin to do

These initial approaches are clearly less in good faith and require much more finessing to come back from, but it's very possible these constitute a hard line for your provider and will result in being immediately declined, ignored, or blocked.

1) The entire message is, "Are you available today?"

For someone, potentially! For a mystery person, no, never. These messages show a lack of seriousness about screening, booking, or both, and it becomes a pointless business activity on my end to attempt to follow up.

2) You asked for services not offered by the provider in question.

This isn't Starbucks; there are generally no off-menu items. For example, Dommes who don't offer GFE or full service are not willing to provide it just because you asked.

Asking for anything that a sex worker has clearly stated they do not/will not provide is a red flag as it shows that their website/ad wasn't read, or worse, that it was and the potential client doesn't care and assumed he can strong arm the provider into relenting.

There are thousands of providers of all kinds catering to all interests and niches. Do your research.

3) Bargaining

This applies to rates, but also to boundaries and any other aspect of booking an experience.

Your provider has made it clear what their time and services are worth. If that doesn't work for you, there are other providers at your price point.

Does she charge a same-day fee that you'd rather not pay? Decline the booking, thank her for her time, and make a note to request ahead of time in the future.

A note that I understand bargaining is common in some cultures, but that has no bearing on business here and trying to get a provider to "work with you" will end in being blocked.

How to smooth it over

If you are bored and love wasting time, or your kink is pushing boundaries to get what you want, leave the provider be and indulge in that fantasy elsewhere. Perhaps with the AI chatbot used by your local energy supply company.

If you're genuine in understanding what this transaction entails and want to make it right,

• Send a no-strings-attached gift or financial tip. Money talks and opens doors, and it's a show of respect for the provider's time. Many (fin)dommes will ask for an "unblock fee" here. Do not send a deposit in advance of completing screening and receiving the all-clear from the provider.

• After sending your gift, send a short, genuine apology along with any booking information you did not include in the first message so that your request is complete.

If you don't hear back from the provider, or receive only a simple "Thank you," accept that as final and move on.

Scenario 3: You're Cooked

Anything in this section is a dead end. Do not pass Go, do not engage or interact with the provider moving forward.

Frankly most of the folks who engage in these behaviors are unlikely to read or internalize these red flags. But just the same, admirers should know that we are assessing risk at every step, and these are just some of the worst behaviors observed at the start of the process.

1) Verification information was falsified.

This includes doctored selfies or ID docs, false information, fake references, etc. With all due respect to your artistry, it's not hard to diagnose these alterations. Your provider is thinking, "What is he hiding?" and assuming the worst.

2) The provider felt unsafe.

Aggressive, disrespectful, explicit, vulgar, threatening, or suspicious language was used.

Stalker behavior, such as multiple messages from different numbers/emails or repeated attempts to contact despite lack of response or a direct ask to stop contacting.

We are a vibes-based industry and absolute champs of listening to our gut. "When people show you who they are, believe them." If this is how someone acts before they're even in front of me, what might they do once we're together? I'm okay not finding out.

How to smooth it over

Do not reach out to the provider again. Do not reach out to other providers. Honestly just turn the internet off.